A Failed Attempt At Explaining Myself

To be honest, I have no idea how to start this entry. Sure, I do want to talk about something that has been bugging me for weeks but I cannot just spill everything here. So, I shall keep this vague.

I wish I knew how to start.

I am always the listener never the talker. I rarely cross paths with problems and my friends can attest to that. I am always seen as the one smiling, laughing and taking pictures of them. These past weeks, though, is an exception. My heart never contained this much emotions. On some days, I find myself staring blankly into nothing. I have shed tears- more tears than I could ever imagine my eyes produce. I have cursed. A lot. I never curse, until now.

I felt empty; I feel empty.

Luckily, I have my high school friends to comfort me. The first picture was from the day I first laugh after the incident. The rest of the pictures was from the day I told them the reason behind all these. I thought I have cried enough before. I thought I won't be shedding tears anymore. I was wrong. They gathered around me and before I even start uttering a single word, my tears fell. I didn't know anyone could feel numb from too much crying. My whole body was. I could not even close my hands. I explained my side. I wish you could explain yours too but, I know, any explanation would not suffice. They looked so angry. The kind of anger that would defend me from you any minute.

That moment, I felt loved.

I went home. I saw you online. Again, I have said words I never knew I could say. But who am I to blame?  Try watching your words please. You have hurt me with them. (Person 1) After that I talked to someone until the wee hours. We were both confused. We fought. We made up. (Person 2)

I wish I knew how to end this entry.

But I don't. So let's end it this way. I have lost someone so dear to me. I wish we could patch things up or maybe not. You caused me a lot of pain. (Person 1) Even more than I could imagine my longtime friends could do. I'm not ready to become friends with anyone new soon.

Let's just say, I'm traumatized.

Pictures are mostly of my friends laughing.

See? I told you these are mostly laughing pictures.

My dear readers,

I'm terribly sorry for this madrama post.

Much love,

Quennie.